You know what you’re like when you’re faced with an emergency. You panic. You do. You’re a hot mess and you have more chance of accidentally ordering a pizza or ringing a psychic hotline than getting hold of the emergency services. Remove all margin for error with CORE ASSIST. What’s the one number you can call on your battered old, SIM-removed phone? 999. Sorted.
We’ve never been entirely sure why TVs come with just one remote control when we all know that 99% of prayers to St Anthony are as a direct result of losing it and not being able to cope with standing up and trekking up for the hands on approach every time you want to switch between Corrie and the Six One. What is this, the 80s? Where even are we, Thurles? If you’re sick of getting up to switch channels like some sort of poor, incompetent fool then you need CORE REMOTE. Looks like a phone, acts like a tv channel changer. Perf.
Our fondest memory of the early 2000s is unholy union of camera and phone. Ah, the camera phone. Glorious. Ring people. Snap a pic. As obvious a pairing as sausage and chips or hipsters and old tat. But the rise of apps has ruined the simple joy of the dual function phone. Now it’s all Candy Crush this and Hailo that. Ditch those Apps and get back to basics with CORE IMAGE.
It doesn’t rain on you because you lied when you were 17. It rains on you because you leave the house in flip flops and shorts without checking your weather app, you gobshite. You need CORE WEATHER. And some common sense. And a warm coat. But start with CORE WEATHER
Not since daring your mates to touch an electric fence has basic science been so beautiful. With CORE POWER you can use your old iPhone to test your Apple cables and make sure they still work.
While you yourself are already securely weighed down by the weight of your decisions and your dreams are firmly anchored by reality, not everything in life is so easily kept in place. Uneven table leg? Door you wouldn’t mind keeping propped open? Stack of papers that are a gust of wind away from certain destruction? CORE WEIGHT is your only man.